The Power of Self-Compassion

Embracing Kindness Towards Ourselves

As a self-confessed, self-abuser, I am passionate about self-compassion. I can still remember the first time I looked at myself in the mirror and truly saw myself, not my preserved flaws or imperfections. I had just attended a Paul McKenna seminar, I caught a glimpse of myself as I walked by a mirror in the ladies loo, for some reason I stopped, leaned in and really looked at myself in the eyes. My heart broke for her, for the years of unkindness, physical and emotional abuse I had inflicted on her. I made a promise to myself there and then to do better, to be nicer, and to be less judgemental. I would love to say that was it, I never had another unkind thought about myself, never made another harsh judgement, but that’s not the case. It took a lot of tapping (EFT), a lot of journalling, a lot of affirmations, and a few good therapy sessions with my wonderful mentor, to break the patterns of self-abuse and release the limiting beliefs that most definitely did not serve me.

I now fully embrace self-compassion, I interrupt any unkind thoughts, on the rare occasion they try to intrude, with the words from Louise Hay’s book - You Can Heal Your Life “I APPROVE OF MYSELF.” I say kind things to myself when I look in the mirror, and I give myself grace when I make a mistake. I cheer myself on when I have a great idea, and I celebrate my wins. I would say hands down the most powerful thing I have done for me, is to walk away from people who cannot be happy for me, and who do not want the best for me. Self-compassion has made me less tolerant of other people’s bullshit, purely in a way of not allowing or wanting to be around it. I always wish them well, and hold no anger in my heart. Like the limiting beliefs I put up with for so long, I simply release them without judgement.

There are three key elements of self-compassion, self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. It is not about self-indulgence or self-pity, it is about treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, acknowledging our imperfections, and embracing our humanity. It provides a foundation for resilience, wellbeing, and healthy relationships with ourselves and others.

Self-Kindness: This involves being gentle and understanding towards oneself, especially during times of difficulty or failure. It means offering ourselves support and encouragement instead of self-criticism or judgment.

Common Humanity: Recognising that we are not alone in our struggles and suffering. Understanding that everyone experiences pain, setbacks, and challenges in life. Embracing the shared human experience helps us cultivate greater compassion for ourselves and others.

Mindfulness: Being aware of our thoughts, emotions, and experiences in a non-judgmental and accepting way. Mindfulness allows us to observe our thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in self-critical or self-destructive patterns. It helps us stay present and connected to our own needs and emotions.

Practicing self-compassion involves cultivating a mindset of self-care, self-acceptance, and self-encouragement. It can be nurtured through various techniques, some of which I have already mentioned, such as tapping, journaling, self-reflection, and seeking support from others. Meditation and using enquiry oracle cards are also great tools to develop self-compassion. Most importantly pay attention to your inner-bully, interrupt those thoughts before they get a chance to deepen those pathways and beliefs. Use self-help tools, I have listed some steps below, or seek help from a practitioner to recode those negative thoughts once and for all.

The benefits of self-compassion are huge and include, increased resilience, improved mental wellbeing, enhanced self-acceptance, and stronger relationships.

Increased Resilience: When we practice self-compassion, we cultivate a supportive inner environment that allows us to bounce back from setbacks and failures with greater resilience. It helps us embrace our imperfections and learn from our mistakes, rather than being consumed by self-criticism.

Improved Mental Wellbeing: Self-compassion has been linked to reduced levels of anxiety, depression, and stress. By offering ourselves kindness and understanding, we create a nurturing space within our minds that promotes emotional well-being and a positive outlook on life.

Enhanced Self-acceptance: Self-compassion allows us to embrace ourselves fully, including our flaws and vulnerabilities. It helps us let go of unrealistic expectations and fosters a sense of self-acceptance, leading to a healthier self-image and improved self-esteem.

Stronger Relationships: When we extend compassion to ourselves, we become more understanding and empathetic towards others. By cultivating self-compassion, we can develop deeper connections and healthier relationships, as we approach others with kindness and without judgment.

Here are some great tips on how to get started with your self-compassion journey.

Mindful Awareness: Start by becoming aware of your self-critical thoughts and judgments. Practice mindfulness to observe your inner dialogue without getting caught up in it. Recognise that these thoughts are not facts and challenge them with kindness and understanding.

Self-Kindness: Treat yourself with the same compassion and care you would offer to a loved one. Practice self-soothing and self-nurturing activities, such as taking warm baths, practicing self-care rituals, or engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Mirror work, positive affirmations and tapping are all great too.

Embrace Imperfection: Embrace the reality that perfection is an unattainable goal. Instead, focus on self-improvement and growth. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and learn from your mistakes with a compassionate mindset.

Seek Support: Surround yourself with individuals who uplift and support you. Seek out therapy, support groups, or trusted friends who can provide guidance and encouragement on your self-compassion journey.

Self-compassion is a powerful tool that allows us to navigate life's challenges with kindness, understanding, and resilience. By embracing self-compassion, we can cultivate a deep sense of wellbeing, improve our relationships, and foster a positive outlook on life. Remember, self-compassion is not a destination but a lifelong practice that requires patience, self-awareness, and a commitment to treating ourselves with the love and kindness we truly deserve. Let us embark on this journey of self-compassion and create a world where kindness towards ourselves is celebrated and cherished.